My New Jacket

When a wis a wee boy ma maw used to get us "provi" cheques tae buy claes wae. Anyway, a wis fifteen at the time and a went doon tae Clydebank and boat masel a sort of reddish purple satin jacket that hud wee bits a glass aw ower it; in retrospect I looked like a fifteen yer old Liberace and that wisnae very guid whair I came fae; indeed, the chances of ma gettin chibbed hud just gone up by aboot 100%. That is aw wae the wisdum that hindsight affords us though and at the time a felt galis and a thought, "yer fifteen noo, yer no a wean anymair and it's time tae look growen up ". Although al huv tae admit the jacket hud been reduced from thirty pounds tae a fiver and that did play a wee role in ma buyin it.
When a got hame, a walked intae the livin room and ma sister wis sittin there, she just turned roon and sayed, "jesus fuck, whair did ye get that thing." Now ma maw wis in the kitchen washin the dishes and she didnae like swearing and she also thought ma sister wis being a wee bit unkind if not hasty, so she sayed, "nae neid for that Margaret, cum an let me see yer new jacket son", so into the kitchen I traipsed and my maw, who didnae like swearing, just screamed, "fucking hell", dropped the plates and told me to get back to the shop pronto and get the jacket changed and as a wis leavin the hoose a heard her say tae ma sister, "Christ they must a seen him cumin". Anyway, when a got back they were awright in the shop and they changed my jacket fur a nice new orange anorak that wis aw lined wae this fake fur.